Grief is a completely natural response to loss of something or someone being taken away from us. I know how painful loss can be and that it can also be incredibly overwhelming or sometimes leave us completely numb and paralyzed.
Mainstream culture is still not totally comfortable with the topic of grief and tends to silence or pathologize it. There's no shame in grieving for however long it takes you (though often that unpleasant feeling tends to accompany us in grief).
I am proud to be a part of the grief revolution.
I’m happy to be part of normalizing grief and conversations around grief.
WHY ARE YOU A GRIEF COACH?
I felt called to create a safe space for others to land while navigating their loss. I struggled to find the support I needed when facing a big loss many years ago. I didn’t want others to have that same struggle.
Welcome to the Grief Party: An Unparalleled Experience
Grief is a completely natural response to loss or something or someone being taken away from us. I know, why on earth is something so "natural", also so shocking?! Literally it sends shockwaves through our body, life, and sometimes makes us question our very existence. Grief can ambush us with heavy feelings of powerlessness, despair and hopelessness.
Sounds like a party you're ready to leave?
I know me too. I tried for a long time to out run, out smart, out everything my grief. I was desperate to get as far away as possible from all of those emotions. This was one party I wanted no part in - not even a little bit.
It took me a long time (I cannot emphasize long enough here) to finally comprehend, I wasn't failing. There was no secret elixir that would help me out with my grief. Fantasize as I might about finding an exit from this dark party, it was just that; a fantasy. With grief, there is no back door or secret exit. The only way out is through. You probably want to leave my page right now. I understand (especially if you came here in hopes of finding that secret elixir I too was once so desperate to discover). But I promise there is some good news. You do not have to do this alone. And sometimes the music is on point.
It's My Party & I'll Cry if I Want To
Plainly, a grief party of one stinks. I received this invitation without warning. Without asking if I was ready or even wanted to attend...Life RSVP'd and accepted on my behalf.
Why Is Grief Often A Party For One?
Studies show that even for those with strong networks, experiencing grief can be incredibly isolating. There are many reasons for this. Sometimes it can be hard to express ourselves and when we finally do find the words, we discover that the person we’re confiding in isn’t capable of holding space or doesn’t want to hear it. Enter useless platitude that is blurted out before the conversation gets shut down. Sometimes those friends we love the most stop reaching out or calling because they feel uncomfortable and have no idea what to say. Or maybe you don’t feel like the people around you are tolerant of your grief any longer – you get the feeling they think should be over it by now. Maybe you waved the white flag and decided you’re going to completely unplug because you’re exhausted from making everyone else feel better about the death (or loss) you’re facing.
Grief - Party of Two
If you’re reading my page and looking for support, it means you too also received an invitation that likely you never wanted. I understand the challenges of navigating grief and loss, after receiving multiple invitations to a "party" I never wanted to attend. I also know the benefits of having a coach to face the darkness.
Grief is exhausting and can also be isolating. It doesn’t have to be though. Just because those in your network, even the ones that love you dearly, are ill-equipped to support you, does not mean you have to navigate this time alone. I am here for you. I know how healing having a dedicated space to face our sorrow can be – especially with the right coach.
I will partner with you and compassionately guide you. I am here as a non-judgmental and empathetic listener to support, encourage, equip, and empower you.
One more thing – it would be impossible to answer the question on why I felt called to be a grief coach without introducing you to my inspiration.
MY INSPIRATION
My Hero
This is my dad. He’s my hero and one of my favorite people on the planet. He’s ridiculously intelligent, both intellectually and emotionally, and yet so very humble. He speaks 5 languages fluently and flawlessly. I loved growing up as a kid hearing him seamlessly switch from language to language - from Portuguese to French and then to Italian or French and English. Without hesitation or pause. He dedicated his life to bettering the lives of others through spending 30 years working international development, with a focus on poverty alleviation. He instilled in me an insatiable curiosity for different cultures and taking time to meet, learn, and appreciate people vastly different than myself.
He’s wildly intelligent, effortlessly charming, funny, adventurous, generous, tender hearted, and I could go on for days….so much wonderful all wrapped up into one incredible human being. Growing up on the beaches of Brasil, soccer was life! He even changed colleges because despite being at UC Berkeley, the other college up the road had a better soccer team. His choice to follow his passion and his heart landed him on the soccer team that would win two NCAA tournaments and land him in the soccer hall of fame. As a little girl, he coached me and shared his little soccer secrets. We would explore the great outdoors together, check out live music, discover new cities and foods, and run errands together. The ordinary was more fun because he was there. My dad used to be the person I would always call to celebrate a win. And he was also who I'd call when life was giving me a tough challenge. He is the embodiment of compassion and empathy, I could always share my sorrows with him. I never understood what a gift that was, until I was faced with holding my sorrows alone.
A lot has changed since that picture of us dancing at a close family friends wedding or of us running on the beach in Oregon to chase a stunning sunset. When I say a lot has changed, I mean everything. These pictures were of simple fun times, moments rich with love. I cherished them, yes, but was utterly clueless as to how truly precious they were. Simple things like going for a walk or dancing - as hard as it is to admit, the truth is I did take those things for granted.
These pictures are before it all. Before the cancer came. All the endless Chemo visits. Before the Stroke stole his independence. For close to a decade, I had living a vibrant life in China. Whenever he would visit me, we had a blast traveling China and would expand our journeys to include exploring Asia together. When I heard of his diagnosis, as much as I loved travel, adventure, and my fabulous career in international business, I knew I there was nowhere else I would rather be. Right next to him was where I belonged. You can get more of anything, except time back with the people you love. So I packed up a decade of my life and fit all that I could into just five suitcases and headed back to the beautiful United States to be by his side during his treatment. He was determined to overcome, and we changed our diets and upped our exercise. We counted our blessings and cherished our days. He was brave and stoic. I was angry and hopeful. And, in the trenches, right next to him, like he had always been for me. Together we were refusing to give up. The chemo ravaged his body and pillaged my heart.
Unfortunately, he had an adverse reaction to the chemo so much so that he had a massive stroke. For the first time, I experienced and truly learned the truth firsthand that you so often hear- everything can change in an instant. The stroke. It was 1 minute. Swift and sudden, and it irrevocably altered life as we knew. It left him in the ICU for a month and paralyzed from the neck down. Forever changing both of our lives.
Once he was released from the ICU he was moved to an inpatient rehab to relearn everything. How to talk, how to read, how to walk. It was a a journey for him to learn how to live life in his new body. He would need 24/7 care. His beloved and devoted wife, my mother, was overcome with sorrow and a tsunami of grief washed over her as her larger-than-life husband was reduced in a matter of seconds. I decided then to be a caregiver to both of my aging parents and completely left the field of international anything (relations, career, travel) behind. I didn't know how much time I had with him and while with the cancer diagnosis, I had tried to prepare as best as I could for goodbye, I was in no way well equipped to watch him be stripped of his faculties bit by bit. My encounter with this heavy grief (at that time genuinely did not know that was the word for the complex constellation of emotions I was experiencing) and feeling at a loss for resources to help me survive my new reality, led me discovering Grief Coaching. It took me about 2 years to find the right help to support me. I did not want others to struggle as I did to find the right help or to get stuck spending time trying to do the impossible trying to 'get back to our old life'. There was no going back. All our lives were irrevocably changed.
Growing up I was always playfully teased by friends and family for being an avid documentarian. Capturing basic everyday moments is something I've always enjoyed. Snapping pictures of cooking together, gardening, walks on the beach, hikes in the woods, or goofy selfies. Simple moments that looking back, I had no idea how much treasure they were full of - pure gold.
Without my Dad, I would have never found my life's purpose, to help others navigate the darkness of grief and find their way back towards the light while reclaiming their joy. I often tell my Dad, if I am ever to have succeed, it will be because you have loved me well. And it's one hundred percent true. It's not the degrees I earned or any of the lovely gifts he purchased for me over the years. I am grateful for those tokens, of course. But it's his consistent, unconditional, and unwavering love that nourished me. Witnessing his relentless grit and indomitable spirit while he recovered from the stroke has been the biggest gift of all. His body my have failed him but his spirit remained unbroken.
Ever since I was a little girl, my Dad was a compassionate & lovingly powerful force in my life, and he is still shaping me, and consistently encouraging me to become all that I could be - to reach and maximize my potential. He is the reason I am the woman that I am today. He set me on the path to having a zest for life, adventure, and now for being a grief coach. These are just a few reasons why he’s my inspiration.
MEET YOUR COACH
YOUR GRIEF COACH
I am a certified grief & resilience coach. I am passionate about the incredible healing power of genuine listening (and that’s why I named my company, Ting Sanctuary). I’m proud to be a part of normalizing grief through having open and honest conversations about grief (which is not just reserved for death by the way! It's the feeling that accompanies any loss, even the ones we thought we were prepared for).
I first encountered death when I was 12 years old. From me it took someone I loved very dearly. Her name was Chiara (which means light in Italian). She was kind, big-hearted, smart, and so very full of light.
And then, suddenly, she was gone. I was holding her hand when she took her last breath. This left an indelible mark on me. Besides impressing on me the brevity and unpredictability of life, it also left me with enormous compassion for others.
I do not believe that grief is a problem to be solved. And I most definitely do not believe there is a secret to never feeling pain again. But, I do believe it is possible not only to survive but to thrive again.
I believe you can learn tools & skills that will empower you. These methods will better equip you to survive difficult times that might not feel so survivable, especially when you're in deep. I will partner with you and compassionately guide you. I am here as a non-judgmental and empathetic listener to support, encourage, equip, and empower you.
It’s an honor to hear your story and share your journey.
A LITTLE MORE...
Random Fun Facts
I am a lover of the stars (the ones in the sky, but celebrities are cool too), wildlife, oceans, trees, travel, and photography. I try to get outdoors as often as possible and love hiking. Usually on a trail you can find me standing in awe & wonderment at some aspect of nature – likely a tree, flower, or a bird. A scuba diver, my favorite dive spot to date was Borneo. I am glad I got to share that with my dad.
I am infinitely curious and love to explore our beautiful planet and all the diverse cultures in it. I’ve lived, worked, & studied on 4 continents (South America, North America, Europe, and Asia) and have traveled to over 40 countries. One of the greatest gifts my dad bestowed upon me was a genuine curiosity for the world and a love for all the different cultures and people in it.
11 years ago I faced the painful loss of a romantic relationship that I thought would last a lifetime. I decided I should lavish all the love left inside me on a dog. His name is D’artagnan and he turned out to be one of the best decisions I have made. This picture is from when I took him to meet the ocean for the first time. While he loved getting his dose of Vitamin Sea, it turns out he is not as much of a lover of boats as I. We both learned a lot on that voyage!
D'artagnan has probably been the one to teach me the most about grief. More on that later!
Also, I could spend my life chasing sunsets.
EDUCATION & TRAINING
Coaching Certifications & Training:
- Grief Educator by David Kessler
- Grief Yoga & Movement by Paul Denniston
- Grief Coach by Institute of Professional Grief Coaching (ICF Certified)
- Life Coach by Lumia (ICF Certified)
- Mental Health Coach by Light University
Academics:
- Masters, International Relations from Tufts University (Fletcher School of Law & Diplomacy)
- Graduate Diploma, International Diploma of Humanitarian Aid (IDHA) from Fordham University
- Bachelors, Political Science & Philosophy from Fordham University
Grief and loss and the pain they bring are part of life. And they’re part of love. Learning to ride the waves of grief, adjust to the loss, and find meaning in your life again- is possible.
